Visits to (and from) the Past
Beware of walking down memory lane too long. It's been a strange but slightly uplifting last day or so. I had been wondering what had happened to the first singer I ever worked with for years. I tried ICQing her a year or so ago and never even thought to google her, figuring she'd probably been going by a married name and why bother. So last night I googled her as I was listening to this old gig tape of her singing a blues/rock tune called "Rockbottom". It's about being broke, out of coke, and livin' the lowdown blues. Jo Baker, who used to be in the Elvin Bishop Group, sang it originally and really belted it out! "Mindy" (name changed) had a great alto voice and did a hot version of it. I was doing some backup vocals on it and I was thinking about how well our voices blended, as well as the horrendous quality of the recording (ha ha!). It was off of the board, but the bass and keys are lost because I don't believe either one had a line in. We were really struggling for gear in those days. Then out of the blue-there were several links to her songs, CD's, spiritual teaching AND her website! Very impressive. Then I saw her picture and amazingly enough, in over 20 years she really hadn't aged much at all! I'd even forgotten she was a redhead-sort of-ha ha! I also saw a picture of her and her new husband of a year or so, they looked quite happy. I read some of her "musings" and she mentioned that she had 15 years of sobriety. It appears she got the clue slightly earlier than I did. I listened to a short sample of one of her songs and it was very pretty. All of the vocals were in harmony, but I could recognize her warm, throaty vocals and nice vibrato. I can see and hear that she has a very strong foundation in her spirituality and has achieved quite a bit of growth.
This gave me some inspiration to try and find a couple more old friends who I've completely lost touch with in the past 20 years. I managed to find both of them, at least it appears to be the case. "Angela" is now managing an upscale bar in Ohio and that's where she was from, so I'm guessing it's her. She was one of those "who got away", I have very beautiful memories of a romantic rainy weekend in San Francisco for the Blues Festival. Robert Cray was playing and it was just awesome, so many other superb acts as well...A short time after that, she moved back to Ohio. I used to get these lovely letters from her, then as with so many long distance relationships, we lost touch. She was in the process of breaking up with her long time boyfriend who I had known for years and it made things a bit strained. "Company" by Rickie Lee Jones is the ballad that never fails to remind me of her. For some reason, that's one album I haven't replaced on CD-"Danny's All-Star Joint" is a song Mindy used to sing also. Maybe there are too many memories and feelings tied into it. Mindy and I have a bit of a "history" as well and so it's sort of a "what a twisted web we weave" scenario. To further thicken the plot, after Angela moved back to Ohio, Mindy married her ex-boyfriend a year later!
I also looked up "Clark", he was one of the most talented cartoonists I've seen. His caricatures were amazing! He drew me this fantastic Fender Telecaster guitar with arms, legs and a finger pointing at me with the sternest look on it's "face". (of course all guitars have eyes, a nose and mouth!) The caption was "Have you done your practicing today?" Too funny--and sometimes it actually made me feel guilty...The funny part was I didn't play a Tele then-details, details! I think I found him, I found a portfolio of his work that's so excellent! There was a long list of all of the publications he's had his work in. Okay, I think it's him...we shall see.
Now the dilemma, I'm not really all that sure I should get in touch with these people. Clark, maybe, but as far as the ladies, it may not be the best idea. I certainly am not going to call people on the phone cold and ask "do you know who this is?" Sure, it might be fun-but it's a bit rude after so long perhaps. Can you tell I'm wrestling with this? If I do get in touch, it will be by email first, then if they answer I'll know if they have any interest in talking. It may give rise to awkward situations and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I dread the thought of us not having anything to talk about. Then there would be the inevitable questions about what I'm doing now, digging myself out of the wreckage of 20-plus years of drinking isn't too glamourous.
Another wrinkle-
Tonight I was surprised at work by "the gunman" in the "Happiness is a Warm Gun" post awhile back. He walked in the kitchen and surprised me, it was nice to see him actually-I hadn't seen him in over 5 years! We had a nice chat, we go WAY back to the late 80's and did go through alot together. Way too much substance abuse. As long as I'm not playing music with him, we get along fine. I reluctantly agreed to play with him again after 12 years and he flaked AGAIN! (quit a week before we were about to leave to Dutch Harbor 5 years ago)Interestingly, Kiki, the keyboard player I came up here with (and his ex) is now a drug and alcohol counselor! She knows something about it, as so many of us musicians do, unfortunately.
So it's nice to see, read and hear about old friends, I suppose they define us in many respects. I think we all have several special people that we connected with in college or through work. So many people move away and time passes. We wonder if the friendships can be rekindled. Some, like "the gunman", are nice to see in very limited doses, he gets a bit toxic to be around when he's drinking. By and large, however, I've been feeling very detached lately. How long can I continue to live in the shadows? I don't know if I have all that much to say to these people. I drank, crashed & burned yet survived, but am not living the life I want to be leading. I need to complete my studio and get the acoustic guitar-and get back to work...I'm still paying off debts, including a nice hefty fine on my car here soon...grrrr! The struggle is no longer the welcome challenge that I used to enjoy. It's a chore now, for the most part. And it's barely past the middle of the work week! Yesssssssssssss!
Beware of those walks down memory lane that last too long...-Derek Ozelle
This gave me some inspiration to try and find a couple more old friends who I've completely lost touch with in the past 20 years. I managed to find both of them, at least it appears to be the case. "Angela" is now managing an upscale bar in Ohio and that's where she was from, so I'm guessing it's her. She was one of those "who got away", I have very beautiful memories of a romantic rainy weekend in San Francisco for the Blues Festival. Robert Cray was playing and it was just awesome, so many other superb acts as well...A short time after that, she moved back to Ohio. I used to get these lovely letters from her, then as with so many long distance relationships, we lost touch. She was in the process of breaking up with her long time boyfriend who I had known for years and it made things a bit strained. "Company" by Rickie Lee Jones is the ballad that never fails to remind me of her. For some reason, that's one album I haven't replaced on CD-"Danny's All-Star Joint" is a song Mindy used to sing also. Maybe there are too many memories and feelings tied into it. Mindy and I have a bit of a "history" as well and so it's sort of a "what a twisted web we weave" scenario. To further thicken the plot, after Angela moved back to Ohio, Mindy married her ex-boyfriend a year later!
I also looked up "Clark", he was one of the most talented cartoonists I've seen. His caricatures were amazing! He drew me this fantastic Fender Telecaster guitar with arms, legs and a finger pointing at me with the sternest look on it's "face". (of course all guitars have eyes, a nose and mouth!) The caption was "Have you done your practicing today?" Too funny--and sometimes it actually made me feel guilty...The funny part was I didn't play a Tele then-details, details! I think I found him, I found a portfolio of his work that's so excellent! There was a long list of all of the publications he's had his work in. Okay, I think it's him...we shall see.
Now the dilemma, I'm not really all that sure I should get in touch with these people. Clark, maybe, but as far as the ladies, it may not be the best idea. I certainly am not going to call people on the phone cold and ask "do you know who this is?" Sure, it might be fun-but it's a bit rude after so long perhaps. Can you tell I'm wrestling with this? If I do get in touch, it will be by email first, then if they answer I'll know if they have any interest in talking. It may give rise to awkward situations and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I dread the thought of us not having anything to talk about. Then there would be the inevitable questions about what I'm doing now, digging myself out of the wreckage of 20-plus years of drinking isn't too glamourous.
Another wrinkle-
Tonight I was surprised at work by "the gunman" in the "Happiness is a Warm Gun" post awhile back. He walked in the kitchen and surprised me, it was nice to see him actually-I hadn't seen him in over 5 years! We had a nice chat, we go WAY back to the late 80's and did go through alot together. Way too much substance abuse. As long as I'm not playing music with him, we get along fine. I reluctantly agreed to play with him again after 12 years and he flaked AGAIN! (quit a week before we were about to leave to Dutch Harbor 5 years ago)Interestingly, Kiki, the keyboard player I came up here with (and his ex) is now a drug and alcohol counselor! She knows something about it, as so many of us musicians do, unfortunately.
So it's nice to see, read and hear about old friends, I suppose they define us in many respects. I think we all have several special people that we connected with in college or through work. So many people move away and time passes. We wonder if the friendships can be rekindled. Some, like "the gunman", are nice to see in very limited doses, he gets a bit toxic to be around when he's drinking. By and large, however, I've been feeling very detached lately. How long can I continue to live in the shadows? I don't know if I have all that much to say to these people. I drank, crashed & burned yet survived, but am not living the life I want to be leading. I need to complete my studio and get the acoustic guitar-and get back to work...I'm still paying off debts, including a nice hefty fine on my car here soon...grrrr! The struggle is no longer the welcome challenge that I used to enjoy. It's a chore now, for the most part. And it's barely past the middle of the work week! Yesssssssssssss!
Beware of those walks down memory lane that last too long...-Derek Ozelle
1 Comments:
Nah, it is perfectly OK to try to reunite with old friends. If you just start out realizing that you have no control over their reactions and are ready for everything from "Hey, I was just hoping I could track you down" to "Didn't you get it that i never wanted to see you again," you will be fine. I am also reuniting a lot, and it makes me feel less old and less lost in the world.
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