Fact Finding MIssion in Borneo

Well folks, I just made it back from an educational adventure with the Wild Men of Borneo! Contrary to popular belief, they don't eat all tourists from Alaska. Just every third one...Apparently, I'm luckier than I thought. The voodoo curse I thought I had on me has passed the statute of limitations. That or they ran out of pins! (ouch...guess they didn't) I didn't touch the bouillabaise, it looked a little odd-fingers, perhaps? As far as shrunken heads, they had quite a few around the village. The mystery about Jimmy Hoffa is over-I'm fairly certain his head was among them. That or it was Tattoo's head in actual scale! Boss, da plane da plane...Okay, enough grimness-there was quite a joyous mood on the island. The plasma TV had just arrived and the chief "Mozz"was scoping it out, enjoying it on his new Dish. They have satelite dishes in Borneo-who knew? I'm happy to report that not only are there Wild Men in Borneo, but Wild Women! The unfortunate thing is their habit of "courting" is chasing you around the island with a machete' while singing Heart songs...It was the damndest thing, running for my life hearing one sing "Barracuda-and very well! They also have a Karoake console over there, that explains alot. In my past life I was a private detective. I found my ass with both hands once and decided to spend the rest of my career resting on my laurels. So the natives are being inundated by bad US TV and they now want to get a Burger King franchise! They are already singing bad commercial jingles! Say it ain't so....Other than a really bad sunburn, I came through the trip well. back to the parallel universe, Derek