Latest Tweet from Derek Ozelle

Don't be a playa that means u r retarded n stuff. Ate a muffin. "The end of western civilization"- the new reality show coming soon. Why is it that the fairer sex are so nebulous?

Derek Ozelle's Latest Tweet

Ate a tuna sandwich. The sky is gray. Why are girls so crazy?

Alaskanblue4's Newest Twitter Tweet

Here's my latest (and only) tweet: ate burrito. The sky sure looks blue. Girls are crazy!


Oh Gawd, it's finally come down to this--I'm not only of the opinion that twitter sucks, it must be ignored into oblivion. What I found mildly amusing at first was the guys at NFL Network hawking the NFL twitter pages--along with such obvious media hyping on various cable news programs. Yes, I get it--twitter is fresh, it's immediate, it's...useless and dull! I suppose it's just sweet that all of the textheads out there get to post about the scintillating events of their day from their cellphones wherever they happen to be-but what up peeps? A 140 character max tends to leave out any details of said events, hence making them somewhat interesting. And hell, most of these twitter addicts with ADD are good with a five word sentence-yeah, why use 120 letters when 30 will do? Why worry about Western Civilization crumbling with crappy education, video games and crystal meth when we have twitter to do it all by itself? There are sources that say that twitter is wanting to upstage Facebook...with what? Their incredible content? Wow...So that being said, ignore twitter--come here instead for my tweets about the NFL/ Brett "I'm a Media Hoe" Favre, social commentary, celebate celebrity dating, Miley Cyrus up- to-the-minute soft drink slurping, bam boozling, Bret Michael's latest fiance', Kim Kardashian's latest flame and wow-I may eat another burrito-stay tuned! Tweetie pie should probably sue these a$$handles for defamation of caricature...ho and ho...

As always, your humble servant-Derek Ozelle LTD Jr. Esq III (again)

New Ebay listing!

Yep, it's time once again to git them outta here and put them up on ebay!
For sale: 2 Demons, (vintage!) late '70s to mid 80's, not sure of the exact year. For you collectors I can supply serial numbers. Both come in any color you can imagine, have plenty of nicks and dings-they're looking for a good home and soul to haunt for eternity. May
have to be laundered and oh yes, they DO come with baggage-ho ho...lots of it. One may answer to "Sarge" and the other may not. Pitchforks, chain saws and batteries sold seperately. Their idea of fun includes the playing of an old 45 of "Afternoon Delight" incessantly and watching re-runs of "Three's Company". We'll start the bidding at $5. Buy Them Now at $2.99.

WHEN COLLEGE PRANKS GO BAD...

THIEVES CAUGHT WITH 12 PIGS IN MINIVAN
Police say pigs came from nearby farm where 35 pigs have gone missing
(Reuters)
BUDAPEST - Two thieves were caught in southern Hungary with 12 pigs stuffed in their small van during a routine traffic check, Hungarian police saidon Thursday.
Police stopped two men in a Renault Kangoo near the town of Szigetvar,about 137 miles south of Budapest, as they attempted to drive off."The pigs weighed about 25-30 kg (55-66 lb) each -- they were really squashed into the car very tightly," a spokesman said.

This just in--
The thieves claimed under interrogation that the pigs, in fact, pulled a gun on them and piled in the minivan. The pudgy porkers said they were Budapest University students and they wanted to be driven to Florida for spring break. After they were told that it was November and they were in EUROPE an argument ensued. It seems they also didn't particularly appreciate the snide comment about "why don't they find a freakin' phone booth like anybody else!" The pigs reportedly countered with "dude, you're driving a Renault"...The gun was never found and thieves were booked for casting comments before swine.

COMBINATIONNNNAMES..STOP, PLEASE STOP!

Hey, I'm back by popular demand...(to the sound of wind whistling through the cobwebs)...I figured I'd better post something to keep up with my blistering one entry a year!

What prompted this, you ask? The names, yes the infernally ridiculous "combinationnnnames"--"TomKat", "Brangelina", and the latest "Vaughniston". Thank God that "Jence" decided to call it quits recently or we'd be burdoned with that one forever and a day! Granted, I'm sure it's quite fun for the entertainment writers to sit up all night crafting these cutesy wootsie monikers but really isn't it time to nip this in the bud once and for all? Stop, please stop! Better yet, don't just nip it, crush, douse it with kerosene, light it up, kick it over the cliff and sayonara bay bee! This just in--- "TonEva" and "StedOp" are still together...I will now go and hurl...

-your humble servant, Sir Dozelle

PS--Old Dirty Bastard is still dead

Sage Advice from Mark Twain

The bible tells us to love our neigh"boors" and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. (Mark Twain)

I have to love the one I have upstairs , puttin' the "Good Foot" down like James Brown as he tromps around, causing my well constructed ceiling slats to groan and creak like an 80 year old couple on second honeymoon. So condusive to serenity..."aye mateys, I rest my case" said the blind pirate to the deaf judge and dumb jury. Yes, still Connecticutt Yankee in King Arthur's courtin' and flirtin' with disaster. Is this the first and last time Twain and Molly Hatchet have been referred to in the same sentence? ..............I'll take that as a yes!
over n out--Sir Dozelle ;)