Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Beauty of Keel Hauling..., anyway, the plan was to not write anymore posts until I was in a better frame of mind-oh yes! For some reason I'm having problems not seeing that entire concept in it's full idiotic, ironic and absurdly hilarious light! Fly with the lemmings, surf with the grunion, have tea with the tuna-better frame that mind in something a little lighter, gold leaf yes, oh how it sets off the blue of my eyes. That being sad (um, said, that was an actual typo/freudian slip) the past few months has reminded me a bit of the lost art of Keel hauling. This was a cute little pastime dreamed up by various sailing captains to keep the unruly, mutinous crews in line. The offending crewmember had a rope tied around some part of his body, sometimes the waist or ankles and was told to hold his breath. This is important--always plan ahead on this keel hauling mateys! Never ignore the slight details like--------- oxygen. Now the fun starts-he's thrown over the side, and is pulled underneath the ship tight against the hull and keel. The more barnacles, the better! No, this isn't Disneyworld. The soggy, bleeding and frequently unconscious sailor was then pulled up the other side of the ship and damn if his attitude hadn't improved! No one ever commented on this versus the cat o' nine tails except that some of the crew were into that and were given another up close and personal look at Mr. Keel! I guess it was less painful than having your head on a spike but there weren't many comments from those who'd experienced that either. And the award for "stick-to-itiveness" goes to...hmmm, well...this is awfully awkward, it appears he's tongue tied. He's a stoic gem he is.

Well, it appears I'm one of those fools who continues to believe with quite a bit of work, lots of time and some money invested you can actually turn things around. Turn what around, you ask? Oh, that's my little secret! Let's just say that some of my theories have been tested to the max...I've done all the legwork, replaced practically everything there is to replace on a computer save the motherboard to get it up to specs, studied for my certification and am currently still not making a dime at this new job. It will eventually pay off, but it's been a long road to hoe. It could be worse, I could be a day trader that just lost $300,000. I could add that while I was studying for this internet job my upstairs neighbor decided to do some creative "hooking up" and knocked my cable out for the entire precious day I had off from the salt mines. I'm proud that I didn't go upstairs to "rearrange" him. I don't even know the guy...however, if it happens again-well, I'll have to figure out some diabolical method of retribution-or not. However, karma is a bad may not be instant, but it will manifest itself in some form later on.

But my entrepeneurial spirit continues on--I've just come into possession of 30 Wolverines, all frozen solid. Don't ask me how, it's Alaska ok? Don't ask me no questions, I'll tell you no flies! (There were, in fact, no flies...they being encased in ice and all...) Baseball has been berry berry good to me! Now I'm going to sell them on eBay because some inner sixth sense tells me these babies are going to LIKE HOTCAKES!! That and the stun guns, which I'm going to sell to these very same people when the wolverines thaw out--always thinkin' I am! Well, it seems ol' mate Zeke has decided to go curl up with a bottle of rum instead of minding the wheel--it appears this ship is...going into the rocks-AGAIN!!! Over and.....out...and glug glug....ahoy, landlubbers, we be needing a few paper towels over here--got a major spillage!