The Dangers of Hanging Out In Bars!
I saw this headline on my homepage this evening and got a laugh out of it...checked out the article and the main point was secondhand smoke. Hmmm, yeah I used to joke about getting lung cancer from all of the smoke, now it would most likely be quite the inconvenience! Let's list some of the other dangers they didn't cover;
a) meeting "colorful" rebels, misfits, and out and out criminals. (This is often where you can get some good job references-ha ha! Actually, you'd be surprised how much business up here in Alaska is conducted in the clubs)
b) being introduced to drugs, sex, rock n roll, insanity, someone's ex-wife, someone's current wife, and firearms!
c) being introduced to drinking cleaning products-stay away from Mr. Clean and Janitor in a Drum, despite what anyone may tell you, they won't taste any better on the rocks or with cranberry juice!
d) being allowed to make your own drinks afterhours by the clubowners-Kiki, the keyboard player in Data and I invented "The Open Grave". It consisted of a blender filled with scotch, bourbon, tequila, rum, orange juice, Ouzo, Baileys and whatever else we could find! Oh, start with a little ice and blend well! Mmmmmm mmmm, enjoy and go say hi to the big white telephone! NOW we're having some fun, bay bee!
e) find yourself onstage playing country music with a woman who starts yodeling! (true story)
f) meeting brothers of rock stars who own mansions, yachts, and who like hanging out in seedy bars because they can't access their money right at this moment--- and want a loan.
g) meeting your future ex-wife/husband who will make your life a living hell, tear your heart out and sell it on ebay!
h) get a good education at the "college of musical knowledge/hard knocks"
i) learn parlor tricks like tying cherry stems into 7 knots with your tongue...
j) hear jokes from 1850 that are still making the rounds today!
k) learn to identify the brand of beer bottles as they whizz by your head.
l) if you're a musician, you may be asked at gunpoint to play "Achy Breaky Heart" and like it!
m) discover that pool cues aren't always used for actually playing pool...uh huh!
n) listening to the same Kenny G song on every break the band takes for an entire year....
o) and last, but certainly not least, you may be in danger of having the best time you've ever had! (just don't breathe in)
p) forgot about this one-being the witness to some of the most ridiculous idiocy known by man,
such as watching a coked up club owner snort B-52 shots off of a bar....
Is it a bad sign that you may be breathing too much secondhand smoke when you sing and smoke is wafting out of your mouth because there isn't any untainted oxygen in the entire bar? I thought so...Smoke em if you got em, but don't smoke em around me!
-Derek "I didn't inhale" Ozelle
a) meeting "colorful" rebels, misfits, and out and out criminals. (This is often where you can get some good job references-ha ha! Actually, you'd be surprised how much business up here in Alaska is conducted in the clubs)
b) being introduced to drugs, sex, rock n roll, insanity, someone's ex-wife, someone's current wife, and firearms!
c) being introduced to drinking cleaning products-stay away from Mr. Clean and Janitor in a Drum, despite what anyone may tell you, they won't taste any better on the rocks or with cranberry juice!
d) being allowed to make your own drinks afterhours by the clubowners-Kiki, the keyboard player in Data and I invented "The Open Grave". It consisted of a blender filled with scotch, bourbon, tequila, rum, orange juice, Ouzo, Baileys and whatever else we could find! Oh, start with a little ice and blend well! Mmmmmm mmmm, enjoy and go say hi to the big white telephone! NOW we're having some fun, bay bee!
e) find yourself onstage playing country music with a woman who starts yodeling! (true story)
f) meeting brothers of rock stars who own mansions, yachts, and who like hanging out in seedy bars because they can't access their money right at this moment--- and want a loan.
g) meeting your future ex-wife/husband who will make your life a living hell, tear your heart out and sell it on ebay!
h) get a good education at the "college of musical knowledge/hard knocks"
i) learn parlor tricks like tying cherry stems into 7 knots with your tongue...
j) hear jokes from 1850 that are still making the rounds today!
k) learn to identify the brand of beer bottles as they whizz by your head.
l) if you're a musician, you may be asked at gunpoint to play "Achy Breaky Heart" and like it!
m) discover that pool cues aren't always used for actually playing pool...uh huh!
n) listening to the same Kenny G song on every break the band takes for an entire year....
o) and last, but certainly not least, you may be in danger of having the best time you've ever had! (just don't breathe in)
p) forgot about this one-being the witness to some of the most ridiculous idiocy known by man,
such as watching a coked up club owner snort B-52 shots off of a bar....
Is it a bad sign that you may be breathing too much secondhand smoke when you sing and smoke is wafting out of your mouth because there isn't any untainted oxygen in the entire bar? I thought so...Smoke em if you got em, but don't smoke em around me!
-Derek "I didn't inhale" Ozelle
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